So you want to change your life
When I was young, I’d ask published authors how to become a writer. When they’d tell me to write, I’d be frustrated and disappointed. After all, wouldn’t I be writing if I could? I thought it was the worst advice an adult could give a young person. As I grew into an adult, the easiest way to explain to myself and other people why I wasn’t writing was because of my 9 to 5 and my children. How could I be expected to achieve my writing goals with a full-time job and four children? I got so much sympathy, and it felt gratifying. It was a perfect excuse until I read about a woman with four children who wrote her first novel while her babies slept. My brain fought for an explanation, any excuse to continue its victim mode.
When the COVID pandemic came and my good friend told me I now had time to complete my children’s book (Bushyhead) and my short story collection (Told Ya!) and that there was no excuse, I disliked her for a nanosecond but I knew she was right. The process was awful and hard. I had to put in the work and even when the writing was done, there was the editing. By the time this was done, I was sick of the manuscript. Then came the next step of trying to get it published (awful) and after publication, planning a book launch (terrifying). Putting myself out there on social media to market the books was worse than terrifying and also time consuming.
Now I’m trying to write another book AND lose weight AND start my own writing workshops. I’d rather call my friends and complain about how I’m feeling: awful, exhausted, frustrated and terrified. I know that there is absolutely no excuse why I can’t push forward and nothing and no-one to blame. My brain does try though and I have to say, ‘good one brain, but we both know that’s a big, humongous pile of B.S.’ The brain convinces me that I’m so tired that I can’t even lift a finger to open the computer much less craft a sentence. When the needle hasn’t moved on the scale, my brain wants to blame menopause and how my job makes me eat cinnamon buns whenever I’m stressed. You get the drift.
So here’s the thing - if you want to write (or find another job, start a business, lose weight, find love, etc), this is what you have to do. Do it. Sorry. There is no other way to get around the hard stuff. I’ve met young writers who are too afraid to read their work to anyone or to even get started. How can one be a writer who doesn’t write? How can one lose weight by continuing a sedentary lifestyle and continuing to eat sugar? (I’m not calling anyone out here. This is me and has been for years). Then after you do the hard and terrifying thing, do it again. And again. As you continue to show up doing the hard and terrifying thing, go out there and meet your tribe, other writers or business owners or whatever it is you want to do. Get advice. Join relevant groups. Take a course. Track yourself on an app. Most of the time, your baby steps will be mundane, frightening and sometimes simply awful. Your brain will insist you are not ready for the next step. It will fight to hold you in place - no movement, no learning, no growth.
A final word of advice as you’re doing the hard thing. Pray, exercise, take supplements, eat healthy, breathe deeply, get rest and say affirmations. They are all connected – because you’re going to need all the energy in the world to overcome fear and inertia.